Wednesday, October 2, 2013

The Reality of Dreaming

We all dream.  Some remember some don't.  Some wake us up crying, some wake us up smiling, and some wake us up scared.  The reality of a dream for me is usually lucid and more realistic than most can imagine.  As of lately I have become a member of some pretty awesome groups that have led me not to hide my illness.  No, not my MS, but my narcolepsy with cataplexy!  The reality of a dream for me comes in naps during the day, drifting off for seconds at inappropriate times, often unnoticed by people around me, or my night slumber.  A dream in my world is very vivid and lucid.  From the man that visits occasionally with heavy footsteps to the pressure on my chest sucking the air and life from within me haunt me more than not.  Lately, my night visitor, the large pasty pale man with the stitched wound on his face wearing loose clothing and heavy boots has left me alone, however the lucid dreams of trying to move to get to my children and save them while my body is paralyzed but my mind is wide awake haunts me.  Lately my dreams are taking place in my granny Aycock's old home on Route 3, otherwise known as Woodmont Drive.  The first one was about two months ago.  Me and Matt were staying the night in the room my brother and I stayed as kids. The antique white bedroom suit was exactly as it was then. A huge bed that I had to jump to get on, an end table with a clock and lamp, a dresser with a mirror that was aged with antique perfume bottles placed neatly on top, and a chest towards the foot of the bed.  I can see it now almost as well as I can see it in that dream.  It started as a weird scenario that would never happen.  Matt and I were separated and I was angry at him because he had given a key to a friend I used to work with and allowed her and all her kids and spouse to stay there.  We were arguing because he had NO RIGHT to allow anyone to stay in my grandparents home especially since they were deceased and he and I were separated.  I decide we should bed down for the night and halfway into sleep I heard a dog fight outside the window to the right.  I opened the window and two dogs were being attacked by two other large dogs.  As I went to the window it opened up into a walk through door, I walked out and yelled at the dogs to "git!" One growling walked towards me and transformed ever so smoothly into a male human and said for me to mind my own business and go inside! I turned and ran inside and laid back down.  Then I heard a ruckus in the room where the other family lay asleep.  Startled and thinking I was dreaming I sat up in bed to a demonic looking figure half animal half man.  His neck was crooked and he had a shot gun!! Because his neck appeared broke he was a terrible aim! He shot and shot at me and missed and I explained to Matt he was a bad shot and can't hit the broad side of a barn and to keep moving towards me as he aimed to shoot at him! Matt did so and this demon kept shooting and we were lucky to avoid injury and Matt tried to save me and got shot in the arm! I screamed and told him he shot my love and he would die!!!!! As he laughed an evil hysterical laugh that horrified me the only thing close was an ax.  I picked it up and hit him with all my might, you can imagine revenge on someone or something hurting the one you love!  I so vividly felt the ax sink in his skull and as he fell I could NOT stop and continued to hit him over and over before checking on Matt!! I woke up breathing hard and looking around the room!! Every sound all night made me wake up!! By the time dawn came I found myself paralyzed once in thinking I heard footsteps!! Only to finally be able to move and realized it was the leak in the shower. WHEW!!! I told some of my family about it! I shared this I suppose cause it was the first lucid dream that I conquered my demon! I was also but at the same time, not so lucky in my next dream.
This one was two nights ago.  It took place at my granny Aycock's house as well.  Her big pretty front yard with the two big trees, one in which our old tree house once resided and I spent many summers. This dream didn't even start pleasant it went straight to a dark headed male that I do not know shooting at me and my family! The man, whom in my dream was an acquaintance and had been no threat to us, opened fire.  It quickly fast forwarded to me being gunned down and looking at this man as I lay in the ditch by the mailbox in my grand parents front yard.  As he walked away I raised my head and my dad was across the gravel driveway In the other ditch.  I told Daddy that whatever he shot us with was NOT killing us to lay still and stop breathing if he approached again.  My dad then offered the advice to "lay still baby if he thinks you're dead he will stop!" I told my dad lay down and shush!!  I lay there hurting and helpless other than to offer that advice to dad and tell him to pass it down to the others.  I laid very still  and heard him coming, I was willing to take the brunt because I was his main target!  He shot my daddy again and came to me........he shot me again and again!! It felt like razors shaving through my body and burned like fire and I found the strength to lay still.  My hand flinched and he said, "Aww your hand moved that's a sign you aren't dead!" And he put his gun pointe blank range on my palm and shot!  I managed to stay still!! As he walked away down the road I waited til he was gone far enough and lifted my head and my dad was looking at me........I woke up on the couch in my house.  I needed to go to bed with Matt but I was afraid it was another restless night and didn't want to keep him up.  Before I could move I fell asleep and I was slumped over and had a sleep paralysis attack and felt as though I could  not breath.  Knowing I was not around Matt to arouse me for that split second or minute I felt as though I would die.  This of course kept me from immediately wanting to sleep.  I sat up a few minutes before residing to bed with Matt where the rest of the night was a sequel to my dream picking up at different locations. 
Exhausting!! Just a day in the life of Narcolepsy!! No wonder we are so exhausted all day and have doctor ordered naps daily!!! Not to mention a day filled with wonderful cataplexy triggered by laughter, pleasure, and anger or excitement. All of which I have learned to stow away way beneath the surface due to cataplexy.  It's been a rough year which is a whole different post on an entirely different day! 

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