Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Who We Are

This is part 1 of blog sessions I am calling 
Crossover:  The Coach's Wife's Guide for   The Coach On and Off the Court :D 

Who is the coach's wife? Let me start by saying we are people and spectators of the sport, a human, a mother, a daughter, a wife, we just happen to be married to the coach. We work in a different field than out coach yet raise our children alone a majority of the time and still keep the house in order and support our favorite coach. 
     What do we want? I can only speak for some of the wives I've met throughout my being drafted by our coaching hubbies but I am not shy to speak up. 
First of all, what we want from the general public is easy, simple treat people how you want to be treated Golden Rule.      Please don't judge me on my appearance or the fact I try overly hard to get to know you or make sure everyone knows I'm the new coach's wife. Also on the other side and as for myself, please don't judge me because I seem snotty or unapproachable just because I keep to myself and am not overly involved.  Some people are more comfy in the spotlight and are so utterly proud of her coaching spouse they seem to be all over the place and everyone's bestie.  The rest of us are perfectly content just introducing ourselves as ourselves not the coach's wife.  We lose our own identity through the process of being teamed up with a coach so never expect me to say I am the coach's wife until after I've used my name :)  because not only am I Justin,Blake, Baylee, and Gabby's mom, I am Debbie's daughter and Billy's youngest, Mike's sister, and so and so' sold hospice nurse, I am also known as ......yep "the coach's wife." 
     We want respect not to bash the man we love within hearing distance. We love our loud coach just as you love your banker, accountant, preacher, iron worker, doctor, lawyer, etc etc.  How would you react to one of us bashing your spouse and talking about his piss poor job when there is no way I can do his job?  Correct it would not be I ask for understanding and forgiveness when I react the same way! Also we ask get know us for us. Don't eat me up to my face because I am the coach's wife, I have no pull with my coach if your son is picked for his team or gets cut.....NONE!  He cut our own child the second day of tryouts so that's no necessary.  Do not dislike us because you dislike our coach. We are not the coach and have no control over his temper when he feels his team could give more or when he feels the referee is cheating his team.  Do not judge me on his performance and avoid me during losing streaks or when your child doesn't play as much as you think they should.  And don't act as though I'm a personal best friend during winning seasons and when your child is the star player.  That will only start rumors about us both from the prior one because our friendship is why your child starts.  No again my own child my own flesh and blood got cut!  I have no say in who is on the coach's team! 
     And last for now, do NOT for one moment think that when the game is over and everyone goes home that I get my love back.......because I don't! He replays the game over and over until he is ready for bed.  During the off season he works behind the scenes trying to make the program better to inspire young athletes to give 100%.  Don't get angry when he scolds a child because he scolds mine twice as bad and it's for the same reasons not doing your part or doing your best or simply not doing what your told!! And please don't expect wins all the time and judge his ability on the record! He is teaching your child more than just ball, he or she may not know it yet but later will realize what he learned from my coaching hubby.  Never doubt my coach's feelings for his players for your kids are the topic of conversations at my house or over dinner when we have our own kids.  Your child's needs and interest get met often before our own.  Not because it's his job....know that it's his job because it's his calling, his passion, his Love for the game! 

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Hard Pill to Swallow

     Often in life we deal with things that are "hard to swallow."  Rejection, death of loved ones, broken heart, humiliation, and sometimes, the truth.  Lord knows I've had my days of hard to swallow but seems as though the absolute worst of times can be the best of times. I don't know if this is a mind game or trickery I have mastered to soothe my soul during constant obstacles or if I really do have a knack for being thankful for the good in my life.
     For starters I struggle with the obstacles of MS and Narcolepsy with cataplexy daily. No one or anyone EXCEPT someone with both can fathom the daily hurdles.  The struggle of simply getting a shower which somedays is more tiring than the actually not having a shower, hard pill to swallow. Being so fatigued that I prefer to not speak to or see anyone from the outside world, arms giving out before I can dry my hair, not to mention getting so overheated that I no longer feel like doing anything else before having a nap, very hard pill to swallow.  Not being able to remember or recall things that happened or forgetting important dates yep I get choked on that also. Numbness or pain to the point I'd just soon stay in bed all day to avoid a fall, injury, or embarrassment, yes big pill to swallow.  Fatigue that's more than being tired and even a 24 hour shift as a nurse plus being up for 24 more doesn't touch it. Again hard to swallow when I used to be someone that everyone thought NEVER ran out of energy, worked two sometimes three jobs.  People assuming your lazy or depressed because of something other than trying to make the best of a life drastically changed? Yeah you guessed it.
     One of the two hardest things is trying to explain it to people or trying not to get pissed over the advice they give when they are not even educated to the disease. I find everyday the less I like the general population and the more I like those like me. Those with autoimmune illnesses where their body is constantly trying to attack itself.  No two people are effected alike. Not everyone falls asleep in their soup and with MS not everyone is in a wheelchair. So all the advice, judgement, and misunderstandings are a very hard pill to swallow.
     In closing the hardest of all for me is the day of my accident and the arrests and DUI and mostly the media spotlight and all the cruel comments about me and wishing bad things on my innocent family who had nothing to do with it.  It was so hard to have not one person other than my family and friends and those that knew me to even try to defend my character.  Anyone that knows me knows my pride was my reputation and my God given talent of being such a skilled hospice nurse.  My heart hurts every single day for a man don't even know. I wish him nothing but the best and for whatever would make his life easier.  Not one time did I pray for myself through any of this nor try to excuse anything. I was physically and emotionally exhausted and like other times due to what I know now was cognitive impairment, took the wrong medicine at the wrong time. I was oblivious to what I had done. I was living in a nightmares of my own and continue physically and mentally daily to do so.  Not karma because the good lord knows me, what's in my heart, and that things were totally health related and not intentional. But the people of the world avoid ambien it is truly a hard pill to swallow and should be banned, in my opinion.
     In closing, to those who wish harm, passed judgement with no knowledge of circumstance, to the people who never give others a chance, cannot forgive, cannot ask forgiveness because crow is also hard to swallow, those who gossip, and to the ones who claim to have never known me or aren't truthful about any relationship with me, claim to be Christian yet lie and judge? Be prepared because karma is the hardest pill of all to swallow. So save room for it. Treat people how you want to be treated because you can have your life as you know it jerked out from under you too. My life has changed drastically because of two invisible illnesses and I "look fine" I know this and please never say it to me again for your pills will be hard to swallow with your jaws wired shut ;)