Tuesday, July 4, 2017

What I Learned From a Child

Not long ago I had the pleasure of meeting a little boy at the young age of 6.  Upon meeting him I knew I loved his father with everything in me and I'd hoped I could teach him things that I have taught my own four children.  Things about having fun, living outside the box, and just things about life, lord knows I have lived through obstacles and have steered my own kids away from my experience of finding things out the hard way. Little did I know he would teach me things.  This little boy has a condition known as Autism.  While spending time with this little boy I noticed he was beyond intelligent and lived in his own little world. A world I was somewhat intrigued by and curious about and jealous and envious of at the same time. While spending time with this young Boy and paying attention in great depth I acquired knowledge I feel no one else could have taught me.  This child taught me something entirely cliche.....dance like no one is watching.  I find myself dancing around and laughing in public, regardless of where we are, which is totally refreshing!  He taught me to view the smallest things as a blessing and as exciting.  Things most take for granted he becomes ecstatic about doing them.  He taught me to show enthusiasm while going through life with those I love most.  This would show them how much I cherish every second with them and that the smallest of things are priceless while by their side.  Something that makes me feel absolutely wonderful is how everytime I walk through the door whether it be hours, minutes, or seconds later he makes me feel like he is so glad to see me and to hug me.  Imagine if we treated everyone we love this way. Imagine how we all would know our worth.  I'm so thankful to have met this child. To now be able to start training myself to brush off the small things and move right along. Go ahead and March to the beat of my own drum regardless who else can hear it. To smile and have fun no matter how little the activity or without even leaving home. Embrace the love of those I hold dear and show them always how excited I am to have them in my life everyday. I truly believe that God has used this condition to teach us to not be selfish and to give, laugh, love, and enjoy life. For we only have one. I'm so thankful for his dad, whom I love with all my heart and soul. But not only for his dad but thankful for his beautiful mother as well. For all she does and all she has instilled in his beautiful soul as well. Thankyou both of you for allowing me to have the pleasure of being a part of his life. I am learning everyday from him and hope I can teach him things along the way. Thankyou 

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Untitled

the colors fade to black and white
i prefer alone 
peace and quiet
unsure if what became of my smile
for i haven't seen it in quiet awhile 

i love unconditional and deep 
not the quitting kind
but never have i been loved the same
to my heart a man has not been kind

as i hit my knees with tears filling my hazel eyes
i prayed please send me a man who tries
to make me never lose my smile
one who appreciates that i go the extra mile
i don't need money or material possessions 
just someone who makes loving me his obsession
one who stands in front but only to guide me
to protect me
not to lead me nor berates me
i cried and prayed for the man of my dreams to come true
dear lord to love me as i need him to
i was weak and broken and i hear the lord say
get up my child he will come one day
please be patient for your kind heart will see 
it will be paid back for how you have loved me
i found my strength again and dusted off my knees and looked up as i dried my tears and say thankyou for your ear
i know he exists i've always known he is near 
and one day will come and i will cry no more tears 

just as the promise was told 
i sent a message to a friend of old
we chatted and never thought much
of befriending one another again 
reunited as the friends we once were 
and talked of all we had suffered and endured 
then he insisted we go for a drive 
that i should get out for a short time

we rode for miles and talked the whole way
there was not a moment we didn't smile or laugh that day
as we walked that evening by the water 
i couldn't help but wonder
what was the feeling i had had
wanting him to just take my hand
why would i think that
why would it cross my mind
with things i had been through time after time
denna what a silly stupid girl you are to want to go through the heart being scarred 
again? silly girl are you sure 
to have a man once again treat you as though your
nothing and don't matter to leave you alone 
bruised and broken doesn't have to be bones
remember the pain you have been through and don't be the stupid romantic you
hush the voice of reason in my mind 
i prayed for him and i am unsure how i know this time but he's the one i been waiting for my whole life 
the one who needs me as much as i need him this time it's right 

i played all the possible taboo through my head and the answer i got was said
he is not the same and i know this to be true that he don't lie and is a gentle soul and would not put his hands on you 
i fought the urge to hold his hand or look in his eyes and it happened anyway to my surprise
our hands met together at the same time and when i glanced over at him his eyes met mine
i shivered and my heart beat fast 
and my tummy quivered 
as we walked holding hands that day by the river 

today my life is perfect never mistake 
when the lord says he will send your heart to you he will not forsake
i'm finally whole and all the love songs make sense 
now that i have him in my life my heart has been rinsed
of all the battered bruises and voids left open like a door 
with one touch i knew this was the love that i had prayed for 

he is gentle and kind but strong like a soldier
loving me kind, fighting for my love
he makes me smile and nourishes my soul and everyday my love for him grows
bigger and better and will be bigger than life
one day i will be honored to be his wife 
i said never again but today i must say
i will wear his name with honor until the day 
i am laid to rest and leave this world
i just hope i love him enough and he feels adored 
to know what he has done and the new life he breathed within me 
the heart he rebuilt and how he made me love living again
how he took my broken soul and restored my faith in men
he loves me like no other has ever in my time
i promised him i may not love him the rest of his life 
but i will love him the rest of mine