For Jon

The colors fade to black and white

I prefer alone 

peace and quiet

Unsure of what became of my smile

for i haven't seen it in quiet awhile 

i love unconditional and deep 

not the quitting kind

but never have i been loved the same

to my heart a man has not been kind

as i hit my knees with tears filling my hazel eyes

i prayed please send me a man who tries

to make me never lose my smile

one who appreciates that i go the extra mile

i don't need money or material possessions 

just someone who makes loving me his obsession

one who stands in front but only to guide me

to protect me

not to lead me nor berate me

i cried and prayed for the man of my dreams to come true

dear lord to love me as i need him to

i was weak and broken and i hear the lord say

get up my child he will come one day

please be patient for your kind heart will see 

it will be paid back for how you have loved me

i found my strength again and dusted off my knees and looked up as i dried my tears and say thankyou for your ear

i know he exists i've always known he is near 

and one day will come and i will cry no more tears 

just as the promise was told 

i sent a message to a friend of old

we chatted and never thought much

of befriending one another again 

reunited as the friends we once were 

and talked of all we had suffered and endured 

then he insisted we go for a drive 

that i should get out for a short time

we rode for miles and talked the whole way

there was not a moment we didn't smile or laugh that day

as we walked that evening by the water 

i couldn't help but wonder

what was the feeling i had felt

wanting him to just take my hand

why would i think that

why would it cross my mind

with things i had been through time after time

denna what a silly stupid girl you are to want to go through the heart being scarred 

again?

 silly girl are you sure 

to have a man once again treat you as though your

nothing and don't matter to leave you alone 

bruised and broken doesn't refer only to bones

remember the pain you have been through and don't be the stupid romantic you are

hush the voice of reason in my mind 

i prayed for him and i am unsure how i know this time but he's the one i been waiting for my whole life 

the one who needs me as much as i need him this time it's right 

i played all the possible taboo through my head and the answer i got was said

he is not the same and i know this to be true that he don't lie and is a gentle soul and would not put his hands on you 

i fought the urge to hold his hand or look in his eyes and it happened anyway to my surprise

our hands met together at the same time and when i glanced over at him his eyes met mine

i shivered and my heart beat fast 

and my tummy quivered 

as we walked holding hands that day by the river 

today my life is perfect never mistake 

when the lord says he will send your heart to you he will not forsake

i'm finally whole and all the love songs make sense 

now that i have him in my life my heart has been rinsed

of all the battered bruises and voids left open like a door 

with one touch i knew this was the love that i had prayed for 

he is gentle and kind but strong like a soldier

loving me kind, fighting for my love

he makes me smile and nourishes my soul and everyday my love for him grows

bigger and better and will be bigger than life

one day i will be honored to be his wife 

i said never again but today i must say

i will wear his name with honor until the day 

i am laid to rest and leave this world

i just hope i love him enough and he feels adored 

to know what he has done and the new life he breathed within me 

the heart he rebuilt and how he made me love living again

how he took my broken soul and restored my faith in men

he loves me like no other has ever in my time

i promised him i may not love him the rest of his life 

but i will love him the rest of mine