Here In My Life........Just In Time

Here we go again
Please not tonight
Give me rest for once
Until daylight

Noone should dread the sun as it sets
And praise the sunrise
After a night with no rest

That's how it is
Here in my life
Most days I am much too weary
to be a mommy and a wife

Not to mention the fog
That smothers my thoughts and memories
Making it difficult to distinguish reality from dreaming

Days of sleepiness
Tired as hell
Seems as though nothing helps
To make me feel well

Days of doing tasks I cannot recall
Then wondering if i even did them at all

Reminding loved ones of talks we once had
Only for them to inform me we had not
Makes me so mad
The madness comes from the hurt within
But its not anger at all
But sadness from all the talks and memories
I cannot recall

The days of wasting life
Sleeping hours away
Fall into nights where morining
Seems like an enternity away

Tossing and turning
Watching the clock
Anxiously awaiting morning's arrival
And the visits to stop

Doing this and doing that
To wear myself down
So maybe I can get some sleep
And in my slumber remain safe and sound

I don't know the feeling of not being embarassed and ashamed
But the feeling I know too well
Is the one of sadness and pain
And dread
Of the strange disease I have in my head
That causes me to sleep any and everywhere
Except in my bed

The one that causes my body to collapse
And become limp
With anger, excitement, or laughter
That is merely a glimpse....
Of what it's like here in the life
Of a sleepy mommy and wife

Days and nights filled with forgetfulness
And regret
Of things I failed to accomplished
This weighs heavy on my chest
Almost as heavy as the visitor that taunts me at night
Suffocating me
Ruining my life
Night after night

Finally I seem to have spent all my energy and nod my head
In a blurry haze I find my way to my bed
Just in time
Once again
For the nightmare to begin

Another Restless Night

Darkness falls
Sleep eventually too
Sandman fails to allow deep slumber
Like he allows for you

My body is exhausted
And it cannot keep on
It shuts itself down
Unfortunately not for long

In your eyes I appear to rest
But here, where I am
It's such a mess

Shhhhh I hear him coming
Circling through my house
Walking room to room
I remain quiet as a mouse

Then I realize
I'm surely to easily be seen
And i need to run to protect my kids
Must do it sly and keen

His heavy steps get closer
And he moves closer to my little girl's room
I'm terrified and need to save her
But I am unable to move

My mind is aware that her life is in danger
But my body is paralyzed and will not move
My heart is raising oh what do I do

It's not from being afraid, from fear
Cause nothing can keep me from keeping my babies clear
Of harm and danger at any expense
But I am helpless and pissed it doesn't make sense

His footsteps are heavy
They come closer by the minute
This is a horror film
And I am in it

Why he is so slow I don't understand
What does he want from me, this man?
He passed by not harming my kids
My body will not cooperate and I can't even open my eyelids

I'm scared and terrified
But my body will not move
No matter how hard I try
I can do nothing not even cry

I'm breathing so hard
And the breaths are fewer and farther apart
As I lay here and suffocate
It stops
There goes my heart

I lay here and die
Cannot help but wonder what's on his mind
Why he visits over and over
Time after time in my sleep prying
But he will be disappointed to see I am already dying

Why must he enter here
Right now?
As I take, what seems to be, my last breath?
I will not face the wrath tonight
Of his riddles and tests
He always says he wants the heart from my chest
I'm already dying man just let me be
And finally I open my eyes one last time to see
He is coming anyway
Coming for me

My body is paralyzed head to toe
He is quiet now and where he lurks
I no longer know
All I can do is breath heavy with fear
Then my heart stopped cause I realize he's near

He stands over me I can feel his presence here to my right
Why does he torture me night after night
I can feel his breath right in my face
So close that his lips I can almost taste

I hear no movement any at all
But here a slight whisper as though he calls
For another evil lurking kind
Maybe after years of nightly torture this is my time

I'm no contest at all for a man anyway
But my body failed me again today
If only I could get up and ran for cover and not failed to protect like a good mother

Again after emotional torture and pain I wake up in my room to darkness and rain
My body is Alive and allowing me to move
So I get out of bed and move around my room

Looking for signs of the events of the night and the pale man that causes me such fright
No sign of his visit its always the same
His task is successful in driving me insane

I know he was not here where I am at
Cause lying peaceful and asleep are my children and cat
My dog never barked and is fast asleep
It's just same torture I get from this disease

It allows no time for sleep or peaceful rest and always awaken before he stabs a knife in my chest
When does it end or what medicine is needed
But they scare me almost as bad as the torture and bleeding